Quarantine Thoughts- Day 30

Quarantine Thoughts- Day 30

What a strange time. We keep hearing that what we are living through right now will be in our kid’s future history books. Somehow, that doesn’t make any of this easier.

I have been self-quarantined since March 12, 2020. As of today, I have been quarantined for 30 days.

For 30 days, I have stayed inside our one-bedroom apartment, except for taking Lidi (our pup) outside. I haven’t been grocery shopping, I haven’t put gas in my car, I haven’t seen my family, I haven’t kissed my boyfriend, I haven’t eaten out or ordered food. I have truly been 100 percent quarantined.

Right now, I feel a lot of things at once. I feel down, I feel sad, I feel scared, I feel anxious. I feel blessed to be safe at home. I feel guilty that I am safe at home, while others are not. I feel thankful to still be working from home. I feel guilty that I still have a job while many do not. I also wonder how this pandemic will alter our future.

So much changed for our country after 9/11- so what will the pandemic change?

I chose to self-quarantine as a precaution. My Mom has severe asthma and Branden’s Mom is currently being treated for pancreatic cancer- making them both high-risk if they were to be exposed to or be diagnosed with the coronavirus.

Branden is potentially exposed to the coronavirus every single day at work as he works as a laboratory technician at a hospital.

We are BLESSED that Branden is able to keep working as an essential employee and I am able to keep working from home. But it’s also scary. It’s scary to know that every day when he leaves he is potentially exposed. I know many people recover totally fine, but many also do not. That is a scary reality that I grapple with every single day.

I know this is temporary. I know this won’t last forever. But sometimes it feels like it will. It’s frightening how quickly our lives went from normal to almost total isolation.

It’s really weird to me that the days keep moving forward, when it feels like the world is at a standstill. Tomorrow, for the first time ever, Branden and I will not be celebrating Easter with our family. We all plan to eat together via FaceTime and make the most of the quarantine situation. But it just makes my heart feel heavy. I live so close to my family, but am not able to hug them or share a meal with them in person.

I feel so bad that I can’t explain this all to my dog. She is so smart and such a lover, but she just can’t understand why people avoid us now on the sidewalk and why no one wants their dogs to say hi. She doesn’t understand why my sisters can come to our porch, but she can only see them through a glass window.

Right now, I am taking things day by day. I am allowing myself to rest and not work as much. I am slowing down and enjoying the little moments with my little family. I am working to acknowledge my feelings. And I keep repeating to myself that this situation is only temporary.

In case you need a reminder right now, this situation is only temporary.

Today is day 30 of my quarantine. I don’t know how long this will last. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know how this will all end. But I do know that I can choose to focus on the small wins and the positive moments in every single day.