101 Funny Fitness Quotes That You Need To Know
Are you looking for funny fitness quotes? We have rounded up some of the funniest fitness and gym quotes for you!
Funny fitness quotes can help motivate you to hit the gym or at least help you think about going to the gym! Here are some of favorite funny workout quotes!
Funny Fitness Quotes
Can exercise quotes be funny? We think so! Keep reading to check out some of our favorites.
1. “Unless you puke, faint or die, keep going!” ― Jillian Michaels
2. “Weights before dates.” ― Unknown
3. “The most annoying are those people in exceptionally good shape at the gym. I’m like ‘What are you doing here? You’re done.'” ― Jim Gaffigan
4. “We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
5. “I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happier with buns of cinnamon.” ― Ellen DeGeneres
6. “Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body.” ― Cher
7. “If you want to get in shape, don’t sign up for fancy diet this or Cross that the other thing. No, the way to get in shape is to go to the gym every single day, change your clothes and take a shower. If you can do that every single day for a month, pretty soon you’ll start doing something while you’re there.” ― Seth Godin
8. “Hi baby abs! I see you!” ― Khloe Kardashian
9. “Albert Einstein discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, ‘You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'” ― Dave Barry
10. “If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most.” ― Jason Love
11. “If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.” ― Joey Adams
12. “Let’s have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle.” ― Earl Blumenauer
13. “The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it ‘jumping up and down.'” ― Rita Rudner
14. “I think in life you should work on yourself until the day you die.” ― Serena Williams
15. “My favorite exercise at the gym would probably be judging.” ― Anonymous
16. “If you’re using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?” ― Dave Attell
17. “I’m afraid the handle on your recliner chair does not count as an exercise machine” ― Doctor (to patient)
Funny Yoga Quotes
18. “Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” ― Sadhguru
19. “I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” ― Unknown
20. “You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga.” ― Grant Tucker
21. “Man who doesn’t have strength can practice. Except lazy people; lazy people can’t practice Ashtanga yoga.” ― Sri Krishna Pattabhi Jois
22. “Is taco yoga a thing yet? Someone get on that.” ― Chisty Lowe
23. “I do an hour’s yoga and go running every day. Then I see a picture of myself and I still look like a skinny, pot-bellied idiot – and I thought I had turned into this superhunk!” ― Chris Martin
24. “The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.” ― Grant Tucker
25. “The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren’t enough.” ― Amy Weintraub
26. “What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners? Too many attachments!” ― Sadhana Yoga
27. “In truth yoga doesn’t take time – it gives time.” ― Ganga White
28. “Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.” ― Grant Tucker
29. “Relationships are like the world’s most intense yoga! It’s a daily practice.” ― Tracy McMillan
30. “Yoga is a way of getting totally drunk – not on alcohol but on life.” ― Sadguru
31. “Yoga is the fountain of youth. You’re only as young as your spine is flexible.” ― Bob Harper
Related: Motivational Yoga Quotes
Funny Quotes About Going To The Gym
32. “As long as you fall in love… It’s like organic food. I only eat healthy food, and I only want healthy love!” ― Jillian Michaels
33. “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” ― David Lee Roth
34. “When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away.” ― Robert M. Hutchins
35. “Are you fat and ugly? Join our gym and just be ugly!” ― Local gym sign
36. “I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.” ― Neil Armstrong
37. “Every time I hear the dirty word ‘Exercise’ I wash my mouth out with chocolate!” ― Unknown
38. “Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I’m a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash.” ― Fergie
39. “Instead of calling my bathroom the ‘John’ I call it the ‘Jim’. That way it sounds better when I say, ‘I go to the Jim first thing every morning.'” ― Unknown
40. “I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else – I don’t want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow.” ― Douglas Coupland
41. “I really think that tossing and turning at night should be considered exercise!” ― Unknown
42. “My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.” ― Phyllis Diller
43. “I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” ― Marsha Doble
44. “I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time – I keep saying I gotta start working out. It’s been about two months since I’ve worked out. And I just don’t have the time. Which uh…is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh…and watch tv, and get a bone density test. And uh… try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.” ― Ellen DeGeneres
45. “Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital.” ― Amit Kalantri
Funny Workout Quotes
The best funny fitness quotes can be found here. Keep reading for more inspiration!
46. “I can’t die, it would ruin my image.” ― Jack LaLanne
47. “If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor.” ― Christiaan Barnard
48. “When you’re old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many.” ― Garrison Keillor
49. “I don’t get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it’s free to not exercise.” ― Bridger Winegar
50. “A reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class somewhere pulls a hamstring.” ― Allan Roth
51. “Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don’t exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray ‘Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'” ― Jack LaLanne
52. “If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.” ― Jim Gaffigan
53. “It’s not until you get tired that you see how strong you really are.” ― Shaun T
54. “If these bicep peaks were any bigger I’d have snow on them.” ― Anonymous
55. “I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training.” ― Immortal Souls
56. “I spend my time at the gym doing diddly squats.” ― Unknown
57. “I can’t believe we got grades in gym class. I’ve never used anything I learned in there.” ― Jim Gaffigan
58. “I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.” ― Fred Allen
59. “I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.” ― Joan Rivers
Funny Gym Captions
Funny fitness quotes might motivate you to go to the gym… Or at least think about going to the gym!
60. “When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they’re going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they’re going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture.” ― Douglas Coupland
61. “When people ask me if I exercise I tell them I do crunches every day – especially Captain Crunch and Nestle Crunch.” ― Unknown
62. “My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.”― Milton Berle
63. “I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.” ― Anonymous
64. “What was funny, going to the gym, you see all these guys who are just massive. There’s no way a person can naturally get that way. In the gym, you meet these guys and you talk to them, and everybody’s really willing and open to explain to you what cycle they’re on and to help you get on it.” ― Anthony Mackie
65. “You ever look for the remote control, but you can’t find it, so you just decide, ‘Ah, guess I’m not watching TV. I’m not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I’ll go to the gym if I’m going to work out.'” ― Jim Gaffigan
66. “I don’t believe in bodybuilders using steroids. If a man doesn’t have enough male hormones in his system to create, a nice hard, muscular body, he should take up ping pong.” ― Steve Reeves
67. “I’m 99% sure no one would run marathons if they weren’t allowed to talk about running marathons.” ― Mike Vanatta
68. “Trust me, if you do an honest 20 rep program, at some point Jesus will talk to you. On the last day of the program, he asked if he could work in.” ― Mark Rippetoe
69. “America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer.” ― Mike Vanatta
70. “Doctor to patient: What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?” ― Randy Glasbergen
71. “The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.” ― Arnold Schwarzenegger.
72. “Need a body-confidence boost? Pick up a pair of dumbbells and let your gaze linger on the outline of your biceps as you lift the weights.” ― Denise Austin
73. “Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
74. “I don’t jog. If I die I want to be sick.” ― Abe Lemons
Funny Workout Captions
Check out more funny gym quotes that you could even use as captions!
75. “The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much…” ― Lazar Angelov
76. “Goal Weight: One Chin.” ― Unknown
77. “Remember this: your body is your slave; it works for you.” ― Jack LaLanne
78. “Some things you have to do every day. Eating seven apples on Saturday night instead of one a day just isn’t going to get the job done.” ― Jim Rohn
79. “At the gym, I’m like a ninja. You’ll never see me there.” ― Unknown
80. “I got 99 problems, but I’m going to the gym to ignore all of them.” ― Unknown
81. “The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.”” ― Dave Barry
82. “Eat clean, stay fit, and have a burger to stay sane.” ― Gigi Hadid
83. “Sleep quality depends on the quality of the day.” ― Deepak Chopra
84. “The thing with jogging is that it’s too hard to walk back by the time you know you’re not in shape for it.” ― Franklin P. Jones
85. “In the journal, I tried every diet. I attempted others that didn’t appear in the novel. I’ve tried to eat the book. It was more exquisite than other diets.” ― Dolly Parton
86. “Diminish your dinner if you want to grow smaller.” ― Henry Sambrooke Leigh
87. “Progress not perfection.” ― Kimberly Snyder
88. “You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day unless you’re too busy, then you should sit for an hour.” ― Zen Proverb
89. “We cannot start over. But we can begin now and make a new ending.” – Zig Ziglar
Exercise Quotes Funny Motivational
These funny fitness quotes can help motivate you to reach your goals!
90. ““If you think a minute goes by really fast, you’ve never been on a treadmill.” ― Unknown
91. “I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent… twisted… gyrated… jumped up and down… and perspired for half an hour. But by the time I got my tights on…. the class was over!” ― Anonymous
92. “My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” ― Orson Welles
93. “I don’t get why gyms have mirrors… I know what I look like. That’s why I’m there.” ― Unknown
94. “People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that’s the problem.” ― Chris Adams
95. “The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!” ― Andy Rooney
96. “Accidentally consumed five biscuits when I wasn’t paying attention. Those biscuits are wily fellows. They leap in like sugary ninjas.” ― Charles Dickens
97. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” ― Dave Barry
98. “Pull-ups: Because everyone’s jaw drops when they see a girl bust them out!” ― Elisa Murphy
99. “Education is important, but big biceps are importanter.” ― Unknown
100. “…aim to look good naked…and more often than not, everything will fall in place – fitness, health, you name it!” ― The Fitness Doc
101. “My friend was wondering today why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle dies, but fat cells live FOREVER?” ― Unknown
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